Friend grows tired of accommodating Mary after years of last-minute cancellations leave her wasting time, money, and effort: ‘This has happened plenty of times before’

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Cata Holmes • Writer
Jun 25, 2026 11:30 PM EDT

How many last-minute cancellations can a friendship survive before resentment starts to take over?

This story resonated with me in ways I cannot even explain. Not because I'm standing with the OP, but the complete opposite. I'm actually like the friend, Mary. I tend to cancel plans pretty often whenever I don't feel like assisting, and I never feel bad about it. My friends had complained in the past, but never seriously. So, when I encountered this story, I felt shocked because maybe my friends are actually angry at my attitude. I mean, of course, I apologize, and I never do it if I know it's a special day, or a birthday, or something like that. But, if I have a casual coffee date with a friend, and if that day my social battery is running low, I most likely won't show up. And, usually, my friends understand. Or maybe that's what I think.

Maybe that's why this story made me pause for a second. From my perspective, cancelling plans has always felt harmless because life happens, moods change, and sometimes staying home feels better than forcing yourself to be social. But reading the OP's side of things reminded me that there is often a lot happening behind the scenes that the person cancelling never sees. Someone may have rearranged their schedule, turned down other invitations, bought groceries, prepared food, cleaned their home, or simply spent the week looking forward to spending time together.

Friendships have to be maintained, like any other type of relationship. It requires time, love and affection for the bond to last years, and that's something I have never really thought about. I'm usually pretty impulsive, and if I don't want to get out of my house, I'll most likely prioritize that. But, honestly, I'm sure I'm wrong, and I should probably hang out with my friends if I already agreed to. What's your opinion on the matter?

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